Libido | Low Desire
Sexual intimacy can take many forms and expressions—not strictly limited to genital contact in the traditional sense. Libido and low desire not about frequency. The invitation here is to see desire issues through the lens of unmet needs. Counseling for sexless marriages or partnerships can help.
What is Counseling for Sexless Marriage or Partnerships?
Many couples—regardless of stage, length of partnership—fall into periods of sexlessness. It is more common than not for couples to experience a dry spell. The issue is not that these spells happen, but what we are taught about them and how our modern-day culture holds it as taboo.
Over time, individuals cohabitating and in long-term relationships may start to feel more like roommates than sexual partners. Daily life, regular discord, stress and having to share space with each other, can contribute to partners not engaging sexually.
Because this is not a topic often spoken about as normal in the lifespan of a relationship, what often develops is a cycle in which not having sex leads to even more sexlessness. When this happens, even the thought of initiating sex or doing something sexual or seductive becomes more awkward, confusing, or intimidating. This is when counseling for sexless marriage and partnerships may be needed.
What Is A Sexless Marriage?
A sexless marriage is defined as a marriage with little or no sexual activity between the partners. It becomes an issue when one of the partners is not okay with the amount of sexual contact occurring in the relationship.
Not every partnership that does not engage in sex is considered a sexless relationship. For example, when both partners agree and have no issue with little or no sex. If both partners are okay with this type of relationship, it doesn’t call for concern. Counseling for sexless marriage helps keep both partners on the same page.
Common Reasons For Sexless Marriage
There are many reasons for sexless marriage. Many couples report that not knowing how to communicate their feelings and desires to one another is threaded throughout all other reasons.
- Mismatched sexual libidos (sex drives) including the natural ebb and flow to an individual sex drive. Not knowing how to initiate sex or talking about what you want and don’t want eventually has couples waiting for the right mood that may never arrive.
- Childbirth & Parenting
- Excessive Stress – high levels of cortisol
- Erectile dysfunction (ED)
- Hypo-sexual desire disorder (low sex drive) especially for women due to the use of hormonal contraceptives, childbirth, breastfeeding, hysterectomy, trauma, and menopause.
- Punitive or passive-aggressive withholding of sex
- Sex-related performance anxiety
- Medication side effects including over-the-counter decongestants, some antihistamines, antidepressants, and high blood pressure medications.
- Depression or other mental health issues
- History of sexual abuse or trauma
- Relationship conflict and arguments
- Negative feelings toward your partner like anger or resentment
- Relationship to porn
How Can Counseling for Sexless Marriage
or Partnerships Help?
During counseling for sexless marriage, a well-trained sex therapist can help you and your partner address the issues in your relationship that interfere or negatively influence the intimacy of your relationship. Collaboratively, you and your therapist can explore individual factors that may also be a be playing a role.
Resolving issues and dynamics surrounding anger, resentment, disappointment, hurt or betrayal that often lead to lack of desire and attraction.
Learning to talk about sex – Talking about your fantasies, your desires and your insecurities requires vulnerability,
Relieving chronic stress dynamics both in and out of the relationship
Finding a middle ground for mismatched libidos
Healing discords and criticism
Clarify unrealistic expectations about sex
Learning how to suggest/ask for new things
Learning new ways to incorporate sex
Expanding sex through the lifespan, including illness
Sex can serve varying purposes. For some it’s a form of connection, bonding, an expression of self, feeling loved and desired. For others, not so much. What is important to remember is that having an open communication with each other to make sure you’re on the same page.